Monday, September 8, 2008

An Off Day

Small joys are hard to come by on an awful day. Yesterday was typical of an awful day. Where almost everything that wasn't supposed to happen, happened. We had a major power shutdown in office. We needed to give work to unforgiving clients, and of course that wasn't happening well. Meetings were rescheduled and unscheduled interruptions were aplenty. I had to communicate some decisions that would make people within my company unhappy. This was compounded by the ill health of a near and dear one at home. To top it all, I wasn't feeling all that well myself. ( Malaise, for lack of a better word).

It's times like these that small joys are hard to identify and even harder to experience completely. But atleast this time, I was very aware of the reason why I was in a bad mood: I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with my agenda and feeling hopelessly adrift. This led to me questioning whether my agenda was allright, in the first place!

But I did experience a small joy, inspite of all of this. This joy was about getting clarity on certain issues that this"mess of a day" was bringing forth. This joy was more like relief. Relief about understanding what my priorities were in life, and then for today. How I was spending my time, emotions and effort was, I realised, being governed by outside factors. The relief was in the sudden realisation was that the day wasn't so bad after all. It wasn't that big a deal.

The small joy was also this- I hadn't escaped what I was feeling, and was able to use it to reprioritise my life. It made me feel good- in a different way. A sudden burst of clarity shone through, and I felt OK again, and in charge. It felt good to face up to my demon of the day, stare at it and watch it dissolve.