Small joys are hard to come by on an awful day. Yesterday was typical of an awful day. Where almost everything that wasn't supposed to happen, happened. We had a major power shutdown in office. We needed to give work to unforgiving clients, and of course that wasn't happening well. Meetings were rescheduled and unscheduled interruptions were aplenty. I had to communicate some decisions that would make people within my company unhappy. This was compounded by the ill health of a near and dear one at home. To top it all, I wasn't feeling all that well myself. ( Malaise, for lack of a better word).
It's times like these that small joys are hard to identify and even harder to experience completely. But atleast this time, I was very aware of the reason why I was in a bad mood: I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with my agenda and feeling hopelessly adrift. This led to me questioning whether my agenda was allright, in the first place!
But I did experience a small joy, inspite of all of this. This joy was about getting clarity on certain issues that this"mess of a day" was bringing forth. This joy was more like relief. Relief about understanding what my priorities were in life, and then for today. How I was spending my time, emotions and effort was, I realised, being governed by outside factors. The relief was in the sudden realisation was that the day wasn't so bad after all. It wasn't that big a deal.
The small joy was also this- I hadn't escaped what I was feeling, and was able to use it to reprioritise my life. It made me feel good- in a different way. A sudden burst of clarity shone through, and I felt OK again, and in charge. It felt good to face up to my demon of the day, stare at it and watch it dissolve.
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Its a cruel, bitter world, with very less joy- or so it seems. This is my way of making you smile, inspite of everything, and feel good, even if it's for a minute.
Monday, September 8, 2008
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