Pebble in my brain.

Have you had a pebble in your brain that ruined things for you? For example-  when a single conversation with someone you love or care about goes wrong and it just puts shade on the rest of your day?

I had one today. Till then, my day hadn't been spectacular, but it wasn't bad. And then, that call I got disturbed my peace, and I just kept thinking about it, from all angles. It wasn't a life threatening conversation, or anything very bad, but it was more like a pebble that's gone in your shoe and you're still walking with that pebble instead of just stopping, gettting the shoe off, throwing the pebble out, and then walking again. 

I think that's the problem, you see. With a pebble in a shoe, its all physical, but what if the damn pebble is in your brain? How do you shake it out? Well, I think I know the answer. For me.

It's journalling. Not what I'm sharing here, but just a conversation between me and myself. When I wrote my thoughts down, it was getting that pebble out of my brain and it just feels clean and good just to have a functioning head again. It's not as if the issue is sorted, or I'm over it or something, but with a pebble-free brain- when I can see the damn pebble outside my head, I know what to do with it a little bit better. 

Plan B is Plan A

 What if Plan B was God's plan?

You know what they say nowadays: Dont have a plan B. Focus your energy on Plan A. 

That will make it work.

 And it does. For a lot of people, not being distracted by trying to hedge bets and derisk things allows them to concentrate their energy on what matters.

But what about those people who have a quiet voice inside of them which says:

" That's your Plan. Good one. I know you're excited, but here's a completely different one from what you have, and you will be on that one instead"

You'll avoid it, of course. You will do everything in your power to disregard that voice.

But it's coming from your gut, and you almost unwillingly pay attention to it. And then it overtakes Plan A.

In God's mind, Plan B was Plan A all along.

Mellow Drama

I recently went on a wild trip when I decided that I'm going to live out as many days as possible on the coins and cash I've got till I ran out. So yeah, I did this for a stupid while. I even converted Euros into pounds just to stretch this silly game. 

I lasted  quite a few days, strangely. I avoided all eye contact with people who thought I was bonkers ( I didn't look like I was going to inflict coins on the poor cashier behind the counter.) I kind of realised I was doing a silly thing, but funnily, I felt quite thrilled about it all.

And that's when I realised that I was just trying to inflict some drama in my life. It doesn't matter what the drama is, but I wanted something to spice things up.

What's the drama that you're addicted to? I'm beginning to think we all are, and its a matter of chemical manipulation that all of us human beings do just to feel "alive".. and also weirdly, in control. 

And hell yes, if you didnt know that, well, hope this wakes you up. Choose your drama, make it benign, or better still, something that will genuinely help your health, wealth or relationships. Dont choose drama that sabotages you, just so that your addiction to having some drama makes you feel like you are in charge. 

Choose a mellow drama.

Talking to Myself

When I'm speaking to the camera, who am I imagining is on the other side?

I thought about it a lot. 

The first thought was, 

Is it  the people who follow me, or the people I want to be followed by?

 Or is it one person- you know- the ideal person who I'd want to be speaking to.

Wait, but- who's that?

My student? My family member? My closest friend? 

Or is it my imagined future super sweet, super good looking, super intelligent follower from a different place, who vibes with what I say and how I say it and why I say it?

The more I thought about this, the more convinced that it was someone who I haven't met- yet.

And then a weird thought came to my head:

Am I, actually talking with a different "me"? I'm just staying somewhere else,  with a different body, a different face, living a different life, a different destiny.. and I'm trying to reach out to this person and connect- in a very visceral way.

I think I'm just connecting to a different me. This camera is a mirror.

Hey. How are you doing?